So a local friend rang me, excited about an exotic plant he’d spotted by the roadside. ‘Like a cabbage on a stick’, he said. Wanted me to identify it.
I went to see the plant and, sure enough, the about-to-unfurl leaves looked like lumpy cabbages. On sticks. But exactly how to go about identifying it had me slightly baffled. There were no flowers as yet. So what does one google? Tall plant with big green leaves? That should narrow it down to several thousand species…
Busy with other things, I put the identity search on hold. But then came a second phone call. This one extremely irate. The language, a little…er…colourful. The plant had gone! Dug up. Stolen! The grass in front of it trampled, and a hole where the prize specimen had been.
Convinced some gardener had filched it for his/her garden, my friend castigated the entire green-fingered race for their selfishness. In most disparaging terms.
But then a neighbour, who’d also noticed the alien foliage, shed light on the drama. The plant was, he said, a Giant Hogweed. Which is not, it turns out, a very friendly plant at all. In fact, touch it and you might well end up in hospital. The sap reacts with sunlight to produce blisters on the skin….which leave horrible marks that last for years. In fact, so unwelcome is Giant Hogweed that it’s actually illegal to introduce it into the wild.
It seems likely, then, that the now menacing intruder was dug up by some concerned citizen who didn’t want anyone hurt…or didn’t want the plant to reproduce (it spreads like proverbial wildfire).
Then again, it may now have pride of place in some dastardly gardener’s garden after all….